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Barney:
It's going to be legendary!
Ted:
Don't say that! You're too liberal with the word "legendary".
[flashback to Barney standing at Ted's door in snow gear with a shovel]
Barney:
We're building an igloo in Central Park! It's going to be legendary! Snow-suit up!
Marshall:
I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever.
Claire:
I'm three months pregnant.
Marshall:
[surprised] Not awkward, guys. Not awkward if we don't let it be awkward.
[nervously smiles, then walks away]
Barney:
Elbert "Ickey" Woods, the Bengals were fools to cut you in ' Your 1,525 rushing yards and 27 touchdowns will not be forgotten. So, Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse!
Barney:
Was that chick at the end really a client?
Barney:
Suit up!
Ted:
I'm gonna do what that guy couldn't, I'm gonna take the plunge... Well, I guess that's not a perfect metaphor since... for me it's falling in love and for him it's... death.
Barney:
Actually, that is a perfect metaphor.
Ted:
Can we maybe scoop stuffing for a while?
Barney:
You wanna scoop stuffing on your first day?
[sarcastically makes phone with his hands and holds it to his ear]
Barney:
Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback next Sunday?
Barney:
Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.
Marshall:
Doo-doo!
[laughs]
Barney:
[chuckles] Totally.
Ted:
At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking.
[pause]
Ted:
And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.
Lily:
You're playing hockey. With a basketball... and tennis rackets?
Marshall:
It's BaskIceball, the greatest game ever. We invented it. it's Awesome!
Lily:
Wait, BaskIceball? shouldn't it be Iceketball?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.:
Ice... Ket... ball? that just sounds weird.
Marcus Eriksen:
The game is BaskIceball. And I'm the best.
Lily:
Well, maybe that's just cause you haven't seen *me* play.
[Lily throws the basketball to Marcus who throws it back to Marshall]
Marshall:
Well, it's not exactly a sport for girls.
Lily:
Well, that's funny cause your brother throws like a girl!
[Lily throws the ball back to Marcus]
Lily:
[Marcus throws the ball hard and hits Lily in the face]
Lily:
Hey, nice shirt, Ted. Is it yesterday already?
Barney:
Ted, tonight we're gonna go out. We're gonna meet some ladies, it's gonna be *legendary*. Phone-five!
[slaps cell-phone]
Barney:
You didn't phone-five, did you?
[pause]
Barney:
I know when you don't phone-five Ted.
Marshall:
I'm not a gay pirate, I have sex with my parrot all the time!
[there is an awkward silence]
Marshall:
OK, that came out wrong.
Ted:
You're not... Moby, are you?
Not Moby:
Who?
Ted:
The recording artist, Moby.
Not Moby:
Oh, no.
Ted:
Then why, when we said "Hey, Moby" did you come over here?
Not Moby:
Oh, I thought you said Tony.
Ted:
So your name's Tony?
Not Moby:
No.
Lily:
[Lily sees Barney hitting on Claudia] Oh, hell. No!
[grabs Barney by the ear and yanks him away from Claudia]
Lily:
Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard until your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
Barney:
[confused] Wait... my eyes? Or my testicles?
Lily:
[pause, thinks about it] One of each!
Marshall:
A drumroll? So what? that's it? You just said good night, went home and... performed the drum solo?
Barney:
Haaaaave you met Ted?
Barney:
It's gonna be legen... wait for it... dary!
Barney:
It's gonna be legend-... wait for it... and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!
Barney:
What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!
Barney:
What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!
Ted:
So, who are we picking up?
Barney:
I dunno... her? Or maybe her...
Ted:
Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport, you meant we were going to *pick someone up* at the airport?
Barney:
Yeah...
Ted:
You're kidding!
Barney:
False!
Ted:
Hey Barney, see that girl?
Barney:
Ohhh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty!
Barney:
Moist.
[repeated during Barney's play to get back at Lily]
[repeated line]
Ted:
[whenever Marshall and Lily talk about having sex] Please don't.
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